To Watch You Fade Away
by Ayesa
Summary: Mai begins to understand why she can't just escape having a restless broken heart. Read and Review.


A/N: I just recently finished watching all three volumes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I was utterly blown away. XD I got into it because of the live action movie's teaser. I thought, if I'd watch this in summer, I must finish watching the series first. And I must say, it might be very very difficult for that movie to live up to the charm that the series naturally exuded. Anyway, this is my second story on this site and my first for this fandom. I haven't abandoned my story for Rurouni Kenshin, but I just needed to get this out. Argh. Work seriously knows how to get in the way of fan fiction. (If there are any Every Little Thing readers reading this, I'm sorry! I'm working on it, promise.)

This is a Maiko one-shot. I know that it isn't as favored as Zutara, but hey, Mai is just so hard not to love after what she did in The Boiling Rock, Part II. :D And this one-shot occurs days after The Eclipse. To all Maiko fans out there, add me to the list. :D

Disclaimer: Of course, A:TLA is not mine, silly.

To Watch You Fade Away

Heaving a sigh, Mai wrenched the shuriken from her bedroom wall and with an expert flick, slid it into the holster on her right arm. Turning to her almost victim, Mai couldn't help another sigh from escaping her lips.

"You almost got me there. Good thing I have great reflexes."

At the other end of her room, her bubbly friend stood, holding a hand near her heart to calm her nerves after being nearly pinned to the wall.

"What do you want, Ty Lee?" Mai asked, not bothering to hide her irritation at the other girl, who managed to have her other hand still hold a box even after flipping to avoid the shuriken.

"Some girly bonding, of course! And you wouldn't guess what I have planned for us today." Ty Lee bounced on to Mai's bed, her braid swinging from left to right, her eyes shining with excitement.

"Oh joy." Mai answered dryly as she moved to sit by her vanity. She crossed her legs and looked on as the other girl started digging into the box.

It was a wooden box, hand painted with dainty fire lilies and Ty Lee seemed so eager and excited that it made Mai conclude that there was nothing good to come out of it.

These past few days, Azula was busy with war meetings and barely had time to see either of them. Ty Lee saw this as a perfect opportunity to finally spend time with Mai that didn't involve blocking chi or throwing knives at enemies.

It was a perfect idea, at least in Ty Lee's opinion. She thought Mai needed a massive cheering up after what happened on the day of the black sun.

Ty Lee didn't exactly tell her that what her real reasons were behind this, but Mai knew what they were. She also knew that Ty Lee was trying her best to comfort her in the unsappiest of ways. She had been attempting to help her forget this hullabaloo over Zuko's mediocre farewell, but the thing is, she didn't want - need any of this. She appreciated the concern, yes. But right now, she just wanted to be alone.

But Ty Lee doesn't really get that.

First on the activity list was the trip to the circus. Ty Lee said she had perfected a new routine and she wanted Mai to be the first to see it. Watching her swing from rope to rope and doing triple somersaults wasn't really something new to Mai, but she relented nevertheless, knowing her friend's true intentions.

The next day, the young acrobat was beaming as she insisted on going shopping. She agreed only because again, she appreciated the company, but her lack of enthusiasm over the whole activity seemed to have backfired since she came home with stuff, courtesy of Ty Lee's charm and haggling skills, she knew she wouldn't use in a million years.

Then yesterday, she was asked for some help with calligraphy. Mai resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the request. They went to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls together for crying out loud. The art was a major thing there. Learning it was taken seriously, so it was impossible for her to not know how to do it. But Ty Lee reasoned that she ran away and joined the circus before really mastering the right strokes with the brush and needed practice badly.

Though a little annoyed at having Ty Lee over and practicing calligraphy, Mai still didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings. After all, a Ty Lee with tantrums was a bigger problem than a perky one. And Mai didn't feel like dealing with that. Way too much drama.

Now, she almost pinned Ty Lee to the wall because she suddenly barged into her room in all her energetic glory, catching Mai almost off guard.

And because of that, a shuriken was embedded on her wall.

Fussing over the box's contents, Ty Lee dismissed Mai's earlier remark. "You see, I thought, Mai has such pretty hair. It would absolutely look beautiful with all these hair ornaments." Finishing the statement with a flourish of her hand over the ornaments she laid in front of her.

Mai just stared blankly at the pink clad girl on her bed, obviously not liking where this was all going.

"What do you think?" Ty Lee asked, her eyes glistening with mirth.

"No." Came Mai's easy reply. Beads? Seriously.

"That's okay. I already thought you wouldn't like all these beads and ribbons on your hair. I mean, they can be really itchy. You scratching your head would just ruin the whole effect."

Mai continued to stare, hoping that Ty Lee would get the message she'd been trying to send the moment she stepped into the room.

But the girl just continued rummaging in the box for some other stuff that might interest her.

"I think curling your hair would be a good idea too, so I brought these." she said while laying out more materials on Mai's bed.

"I'm not in the mood to curl my hair today, Ty Lee."

Biting her lower lip, she wondered, "Would you consider cutting your hair then?"

"No."

"But..."

"I'm not really in the mood today." _And that's final_, she wanted add. She raised her husky voice a notch to ensure that the message got across.

Ty Lee pouted. "You're always not in the mood for anything fun. But you always complain about being bored. I really don't get it."

"You don't have to. I just... I want to be alone, okay?" Mai revealed and abruptly closed her eyes to hide the sadness that enveloped it. She didn't need anyone to notice how weak she has become.

Ever since she found the letter on her bed, Mai didn't know what or how to feel. A million different emotions swirled in her chest and she did her best to quell them, to keep them away. But as every moment that involved Zuko, it was difficult not to feel. She was angry, hurt, sad, and afraid.

He was gone.

He left just when she was learning how to cherish every moment with him. He left when she was realizing that memories were now not just her own, but his as well. He left when they were beginning to talk of dreams and promises they would keep. He left just when she was starting to believe in forever.

He wanted to chase his destiny, okay they've established that. But didn't she even deserve a proper goodbye? Instead, what she got was a letter. Just like that he was gone. It seemed so easy for him.

The years they spent apart may have changed him, but deep in her heart, she knew that he was still the Zuko she stole glances from when they were little. The Zuko that won her heart with very little effort. The Zuko she had faith in. The Zuko she whole heartedly loved and still loves. Her Zuko.

It was not easy to deal with a broken heart and Mai just wanted to skip all this feeling that seemed to have wrapped itself around her to taunt her with the reality of how much one person can affect her like this.

She had been quite successful at keeping her feelings these last few days. After all, bottling her emotions and building walls around her heart was nothing new to her. And she could even admit that Ty Lee's activities served as a fine distraction.

Everything was going well until last night's dream.

It was that day again. The day of the eclipse.

She easily felt that something was different about this day. She just found and read his letter. This has surely happened before, she thought. But this time, the eclipse was barely over when she got back to her room. Maybe he still hasn't left. She got here earlier than she did before. Maybe Zuko leaving her was just a dream. Maybe it was a warning or a premonition. If that was the case, then she still had time to keep him from doing this to her, to them.

So she ran as fast as she could reach the palace until all she could hear was how heart was beating so loudly and how her breathing grew heavier with each step. Her usually stealthy steps were heavy as she made her way through the palace gates.

She was halfway through the garden path when she saw his familiar figure leaning against an apple tree, sleeping. She breathed in deep. _He's here. Zuko didn't leave. Zuko's here!_

Seemingly in a daze, she slowly made her way toward his sleeping form. His chest rose as he took in small breaths. Some of his hair fell loose from its usual topknot. His face was so peaceful, his scar not even marring his handsome features a bit. It was like looking at a beautiful ink painting of the crown prince that depicted calm and comfort. And Mai knew she could continue watching him like this every waking day of her life.

It didn't take her very long to reach the apple tree. She slowly lowered herself a few feet from him. She folded her legs under her, her hands clasped in her lap as if automatically, and her gaze transfixed at her peacefully slumbering boyfriend. Then, a small smile tugged at her lips. _Zuko is here._

Rays of the sun were starting to peek from what hindered the ball of fire from shining for the past minutes. But she was too relieved to care.

Suddenly feeling an urge to touch his face, Mai started to unfold her arm from her lap. She reached to soothe the strands of hair from his face in her usual display of affection for him, but failed. As she got near, his figure grew fainter… and fainter. Her hand fell to her side as the ground seemed to have fastened her to where she sat. She tried to move, to reach him and wake him, but she couldn't.

"Zuko." His name involuntarily fell from lips that many times kissed him with fervor and love.

He continued to slowly fade away from her vision.

"No. Zuko." She uttered, louder this time, but he still didn't move. He just continued to be blurry, a haze that Mai wasn't sure if it was because there were tears falling from eyes or if he was really disappearing before her. She wanted to throw some of her knives to pin him down and keep him there, but she couldn't move.

The eclipse was over now. Mai was still unmoving, not even having the strength to wipe her tears. The sun glared at the spot where she saw Zuko sleeping just moments ago. He wasn't there anymore. Zuko was gone.

Then she woke up, her pillow and strands of her hair, damp.

Now all she wanted to do was to stop feeling and she wanted to do it alone. It was enough that she cried in her dream. She wouldn't cry over this again. She mustn't, she decided.

Ty Lee saw how her shoulders slump and how her aura seemed to have been grayer than it usually was.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The girl tried. Mai opened her eyes, now barely with a trace of sadness and just continued her blank stare.

"Mai... I know you're not okay." There. Ty Lee said it. She had been avoiding the topic, thinking that it might hurt her to talk about it. After all, it hadn't even been a week since the black sun.

"I'm fine, Ty Lee." Mai turned away and faced the mirror on her vanity.

"I think you're not." Ty Lee's voice was soft, testing.

"But I am."

She knew she was being stubborn, but she really didn't want to talk about it. It was bad enough that she dreamed of him for the first time since the eclipse and talking about it wouldn't make her feel good a bit.

It was like her heart was still breaking, falling apart piece by piece and she couldn't allow herself to feel that way even more by talking about it.

"It's okay to cry, you know." Ty Lee said twisting her braid as a nervous habit. It was obvious that she wasn't sure how Mai would take her unsolicited advice.

Mai smirked and looked at her reflection. "Wallowing in misery is my hobby."

"Mai, if you want to talk-"

"I'm fine, Ty Lee. There's really nothing to talk about."

"But Zuko..."

"Left. End of story." She shrugged her shoulders to show that she didn't care, but her voice betrayed how she really felt.

Realizing that maybe it would be best if she let Mai come to her when she's ready, Ty Lee started stacking the various hair ornaments back in the wooden box. She bounced off Mai's bed, stood directly behind her friend and look at her in the mirror.

"I just remembered that I have rehearsals at the circus in a few minutes. Maybe we could just do this some other time. I hope it's okay."

Mai nodded.

She stood from her seat and walked the other girl to the door.

Before closing the door between them, Ty Lee turned around and looked at her friend. "Still Mai, You know you can talk to me." She reminded.

"I'll keep that in mind." Mai said and indulged her friend with a small sincere smile.

She listened to Ty Lee's footfalls grow softer, farther away from her room as she leaned her forehead on the closed door.

She was alone now. Her palms were flat on the door and with closed eyes she slowly tried to stomp at the onslaught of emotions threatening to consume her. However, it was difficult to not let herself feel this time.

She started to think about what she had been wondering about since he left. She wondered if he had really meant it, telling her that he loved her, cared for her in his own way. If he really did, then why? How could he leave her?

She sighed. He was an idiot. She realized that he was changing before her eyes and he didn't even let her in his true feelings about the war, about everything or anything at all.

He was a selfish idiot.

_It's okay to cry, you know._

Ty Lee's words echoed in her head. As if she'd let herself go and do it. She had no reasons to cry. It'd be like admitting how truly special he was to her and she didn't want to recognize it just because she thinks she was his when it might not be what he really intended.

She will not cry. She mustn't.

But it wasn't that easy. No matter how well she thought she has hid from her feelings' assault, she couldn't deny how it still hurt.

She misses him.

A sob bubbled up from her chest and this time, she didn't hold it in. She was fine, really. But still, there was that little heartache that came with being fine, eating her resolve away.

Time will make dealing with all this harder, but Mai knew that sooner or later they would meet again. And until that day, she will have to be fine with the heartache as she cherished the sweet kisses, the moments they shared.

Her knees grew weak and she let herself fall in a heap on the floor. Tears were now falling down her cheeks. And that was when she knew how much this hurt proved what she felt for him.

She was wrong. She had every reason to cry. She loves him.

A/N: So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Leave a review please! Thank you. :D


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